Exhale

part of me yet seeks to be

still.

exhale

without soulclawing for air

in a pain-murmuring body

holding itself hostage.

daily, i hunt armistice,

for tenuous relief

from this sisyphean shell,

forever roiling with

ebbs + echoes

of bonerooted pain-

newly validated

by nodding white coats.

the nightmare breathes inside my skin

i feel it

before my eyelids even flutter open

it whispers me awake

an agony anthem

gleefully unraveling

the sandman’s lullaby

in its midnight playground

disease has burned its brand on me

its spiderweb suffering

deepwoven into fickle DNA

seeking mastery with a conqueror’s fist

yet i

like many others

am so much more than the pain i carry

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Strive

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i don’t recognize this smile

winking behind uncharted waters

buoyed, backlit

by joy and expectation

used to be, could only see

floor free depths of drowning

currents concaving + flexing

not even bothering to beckon

sandprints

venturing far, far away from

chartered courses

into unanticipated undersea caves of

human emotion

bristling bone carapaces teeming with

squirmy sentiment

lit only mildly with

blue burning deathless torches of apathy

but cobalt hues and gray questions

no longer surround me, striving to

fulfill the commands

of their rock bottom masters

i learned to be

unstoppable force and swaying reed

give both the respect they deserve

and, flung free,

flourish

Mirror

488224_625229996956_47473922_nwho am i today?

a tightly threaded unsung melody

coiled beneath coppery spooled skin

forcing strength enough to push through

or a resigned slave eroded by exhaustion

dangling green grapes into the

yawning mouth of lassitude.

do i have my warrior will to fight

to once again ignore screaming bones

and dive into the sunken spray of life

or am i crouching in my hunchback shade

hiding behind a mask of pain and rage

snarling at those who draw too near

on days like today

if you held the mirror before me

i’m not sure who i’d be

i’m not even sure

who i want to be anymore

Crash

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I envy Chicken Little.

With her, the entire sky is falling.

With me, it’s just my little corner.

The rest of humanity crashes on, unassuming.

Demands, wishes, hopes, pleas

debts, bargains, claims, needs

always circling, fighting to be first in line

for my attention, my love and myself.

I keep giving pieces away,

Willingly, true

but is what’s left enough to handle

what’s to come?

My only comfort

is that I still have faith the answer is yes.

Ready

I want to drop the

re in my resolution.

I’m ready for answers

Or at least some kind of

karmic truckstop

on this hell paved highway

of good intentions,

flashing hints of

spin artists, sugar daddies

& decadent greener grass.

I do still have hope

but a lightning bolt lotto ticket

couldn’t hurt.

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